My Side Project

So, there’s this idea I had a few months back that involved watching a lot of terrible romantic comedies and live-blogging them.  Because, what’s funnier and more depressing than cold-hearted sarcasm in the face of true love?

I had initially intended for that project to be a separate blog altogether, but since THAT hasn’t happened, I figured I would post the first stab at this on here and see what the reception was like.  Leave your thoughts in the comments, people.

PS: If you loved the movie “Leap Year” starring Amy Adams herself, probably stop reading now.  And I’m sorry in advance.

PPS: I’m making myself kind of vulnerable here, you guys.  Be kind.  Kay?

PPPS: This may come as a surprise to you (not), but I swear a lot more in real life than I do on this blog.  I’ll try to keep it as toned down as possible, but how many of us can restrain the endless stream of profanity running through our heads when watching a really trite and horribly written movie?  (Oops.  Spoiler.)

Tess and her Man watch Leap Year

Start Time: 9 PM.

9:01 – I seriously love Amy Adams. Ever since Enchanted, I’ve felt like she was my BFF.

9:06 – …but so far, she’s a little stale. Probably because this is set in Boston.  Who can blame her?

9:07 – John Lithgow sighting! +20 points.  “I WILL EAT YOUR FACE!”  (Anyone who recognizes that reference gets a gold star.)

9:09 – Who the hell is this lame boyfriend guy? He looks like Stuart Little.

9:10 – My Man: So far, I’m going with “formulaic.”  (Editor’s note: He’s right.)

9:11 – Hmmmm…diverted plane, oxygen masks drop, but everything is okay? UNLIKELY.  I’m suspicious.

9:13 – My Man has just officially deemed this a European Debacle Movie. I think he’s probably right.

9:29 – And, with the successful plugging in of an American wall charger to a Euro wall socket and its subsequent blackout and destruction of a hotel, this movie just went from flat and formulaic to a little desperate.  I would have loved to have sat in on the pitch for this particular scene of the movie.  “No one will see it coming!  Literally.  You know?  Because the lights are out?”

9:33 – I KNEW IT! All Irish people ARE drunk and horribly superstitious!!

9:37 – This movie really sucks.

9:40 – I take back everything I’ve said. Any girl who can rescue her Louis Vuitton from a sinking car and still look decent has some cojones.

9:41 – Her Louis got stolen. Never mind.

9:42 – My Man: Pay attention. The man was right. Remember that. (Editor’s note: Comments like this were only left in for the sake of honesty.)

9:42 – I just realized that I keep waiting for this movie to start…but it already has.  Sigh.  What did I need to pick up from the grocery store tomorrow again?

9:44 – FIGHT SCENE! AA (Amy Adams) gets in on the action. But the question remains: will she get her Louis back?

9:45 – She did!!!!! Okay.  Back in the game.

9:47 – The male lead’s name is Declan? Okay. Def missed that.  Well, 46 minutes in and I’m up to date with who the two main characters are.  So that’s good.

9:48 – A cute dog just turned into a monster…this movie is killing my hopes and dreams.  What are they DOING??

9:50 – I’ve only just realized that I’m probably missing half the dialogue in this movie because I can’t understand Irish accents. I need to watch more In Treatment.  Somehow, I don’t think I’ve missed anything too important.

9:52 – My boyfriend has downed an entire glass of whiskey and is angrily calling the main characters idiots. This is about to get really good.  Shots?

9:55 – Okay, I confess: I love it when budding movie couples pull off hijinks together. That’s right: HIJINKS!

9:57 – SERIOUSLY, what did I need from the store?  This is really distracting.

9:59 – Awwww, she’s got daddy issues. In other news, Declan appears to be wearing a fishnet sweater.  Not seksi in any country.

10:01 – It’s happened! They’re getting along. My hypothesis appears to be correct: coq au vin solves everything.  Also, all romcoms are the same.

10:04 – NOOOO!!!!  Old people making out. What is this, the O.C.? -25 points.

10:06 – Uh-oh, they’re sharing a bed! But she’s seeing another man! Prediction: they wake up snuggling.

10:08 – I AM GOD.

10:09 – Well, he’s clearly caught the AA flu, and he’s caught it BAD. But he also sort of looks like a serial killer.  Hmmm…

10:15 – Best line of the movie so far: “It is NOT a load of poo. It’s ROMANTIC.” Who says you need to have talent to write a screenplay?  Oh, nobody?  Okay.

10:18 – AA just spilled wine on some Irish broad’s wedding dress and I gave SUCH a start. Because, aren’t they expensive? Also, why is she so clumsy? Damn.

10:20 – Well, every romantic comedy has the part where the female lead pukes on her suitor’s shoes. Right? Am I right?

10:23 – OMG, now he’s calling her Pukey! This movie is adorable.

10:27 – Ruh-roh. Angst!

10:28 – My Man: Just f*cking get married, so this movie can be over.  (He has had another glass of whiskey at this point.)

10:31 – Wait, she’s ENGAGED?! To Mousey McMousington? Oh, no.  Mouses do not good husbands make.  Also, what about Irish Charles Manson?

10:33 – It feels like it’s been like a hundred years since the beginning of this movie, and I’d totally forgotten that Dee from It’s Always Sunny is in this. Hilarious, as usual.  Dee, you are a bad romcom life raft.

10:40 – Big climax coming (hehe).

10:42 – AA: “In all my life, I never thought I’d see you down one knee.” Girlfriend, that was DECADES of unnecessary thinking considering you’ve only known him for like two weeks.

10:44 – It’s over.  What happened to Mousey? Don’t know, don’t care.  But I remembered that I need to pick up hot sauce tomorrow.  So I got one thing out of this, I guess.

Verdict: Don’t see this movie.  Even if you really like Amy Adams like I do, it’s a waste of time.  Watch Enchanted instead.  It’s adorable.  Plus, James Marsden.